Are you there? Are you good?

I had two roommates in college: the aforementioned country music fan (who lasted one year before moving onto the Kappa Delta hall in the sorority dorm) and Karen, the sister of a classmate. She was two years younger and (after I treated her like crud for a semester) turned out to be one of my favorite parts of college.

This post isn't really about Karen, but her older brother, my friend, Billy. I got an email yesterday from my friend Mo with word from Karen that Billy's four year old died in the night.

WHAT??????

I can't get my mind around it.

WHY??????

I consistently look at my life and wonder what the heck God is doing. My children have such issues and life is tough. I find myself saying that honestly I trust the Lord but I have learned to fear Him too. I know that He has said He will work all things for good, I just know now that His good does NOT necessarily mean my comfort, happiness, etc. There is a healthy fear of the hurt He'll allow for His glory.

C. S. Lewis summed it up like this: “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

The painful best that my friend, Billy and his family are experiencing right now - I cannot imagine. I can't stop thinking of them, praying for them. . .

And I just don't know what to DO! I want to DO SOMETHING! Fix what God seemingly messed up. That's me in a nutshell - I say I trust, but I want to fix. Oh that I could rest.

That I could say:
Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

O, how great Thy loving kindness
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ’neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

So, I'll pray this for my friends and their family.
I pray Hope has the grace to take steps today - love the other three children who are watching her (as unfair as that seems) go through what they can't understand.
Pray that Billy holds to Jesus and doesn't walk away from Him in anger.
Pray that there will be comfort (a word that seems hollow and impossible in such circumstances).
Pray. . .